Wednesday, March 26, 2008

WHY I'M BEN AFFLECK


Ben Affleck keeps it gangsta son

Whenever the conversation turns to "famous people who you look like", I always bring up Ben Affleck and every single time I get the same reaction from people - they'll tilt their head, pause for a second then say, "yeahhh, I can kind of maybe see it now" (even though I know in their mind they're saying "NOPE" and are just humoring me).

The other day I checked out Affleck's IMDB page and was stunned at the similarities between us. Our lives are essentially interchangeable! Here's a breakdown...

Brother of actor Casey Affleck.
I also have a brother.

Friend of and frequent collaborator with actor Matt Damon.
I am a friend and frequent collaborator with Carl Alley, the South African Matt Damon.

Owns vintage Ms. Pac-Man and Millipede video-arcade games.
I owned a vintage NBA Jam Tournament Edition arcade game. I miss that thing.

Dropped out of Occidental College after 1 year, where he had studied Middle Eastern studies.
I dropped out of QUT after one year (this starts a bizarre parallel where I'm also Kanye West, as we're both college dropouts who were in near-fatal car accidents).

His mother is Irish and father is Scottish.
DITTO.

Voluntarily entered Promises Rehabilitation Center in Malibu, California for alcohol abuse.
I probably should do this actually.


Ben Affleck enjoys drankin', I enjoy drankin'!

Growing up, the Marvel Comic book character Daredevil was his hero. He got to play the character in the 2003 movie.
Growing up, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character Michelangelo was my hero.

Has a Boston Celtics logo painted on the basketball court at his house.
I have a four-leaf clover tattoo, which is similar to the Boston Celtics logo.

Is a devoted fan of the baseball team Boston Red Sox
I have a Boston Red Sox jersey.

Speaks Spanish and French.
I can speak bastard Tagalog, which has Spanish elements, and I can also sing a song in French.

Dated Jennifer Lopez
I enjoy looking at Jennifer Lopez’s ass and only date women with ass comparable to Jennifer Lopez.


Why did he get rid of this fine piece of ass?

With the exception of Clerks, he has appeared in all of Kevin Smith's View Askewniverse films.
I have seen all of Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse films except for Clerks.

He won $356,000 by winning the California State Poker Championships in June 2004 - defeating some of the best poker players in the world in the process.
I have won hundreds – literally hundreds – of dollars playing poker. Ballinnnnn’!

Is a first-time uncle to younger brother Casey's son, Indiana August, who was born on May 31st 2004 in Amsterdam to Casey and his fiancee, actress Summer Phoenix, who is the youngest sister and sibling to the late River Phoenix.
I’m a first-time uncle, co-incidentally enough to my brother’s child!

When he was dating Jennifer Lopez, hated the paparazzi referring to them as "Bennifer."
I hated that too.


Ben loves the kids!

Is a staunch Democrat and has supported Senator John Kerry's 2004 presidential campaign.
I’m a staunch Obama fan (bros before hoes), who is a Democrat.

He was inspired to contribute to the Neil Bogart Memorial Fund, which supports cancer research at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, after meeting Molly Hanna, who died of cancer in 2002. She was a student in his mother's fifth-grade class.
I sponsor a kid in some poor place.

Quit smoking in December 2005 for his daughter, Violet.
I also quit smoking (technically I never started...).

Is an avid fan of Robert Englund.
DITTO. Especially in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane with Andrew Dice Clay.

Has a fear of flying.
DITTO.

Turned down the part of Bobby Mercer in Four Brothers, as he found the script to be "ultra-violent". The part eventually went to Mark Wahlberg.
I also did not play Bobby Mercer in Four Brothers.

Voted Most Eligible Bachelor by People Magazine.
I am also an eligible bachelor!


THIS IS THE EXACT POSE I DO IN ALMOST EVERY CLUB PHOTO I'M IN

2 comments:

Jon said...

The pose!! So true so true!

Boss Lady said...

You are a funny muthaf***er Leon Smith =)