AKINYELE

Before I run off to record this week's XO PODCAST, wrap your ears around one of my all-time favourite artists, Akinyele. He's one of the pioneers of the hardcore sex/hip-hop genre, and I even took borrowed the name of his hit single Put It In Your Mouth for my ghetto classic street mixtape (with Tera Patrick in lesbian poses on the cover!). Listen to two of Akinyele's classic tracks below, the anthem Put It In Your Mouth and one of my personal favourites, Rather F--k You.

Funny Akinyele story: few years ago while I was on holidays in Brisbane staying at my mum's house, I bought Ak's Vagina Diner album. Mum then called me the next day (while going through my junk) to ask if I needed the receipt for what I bought the day before, and proceeded to list all my purchases. Hearing my mum say "vagina diner" isn't one of my more treasured memories. Not so funny Akinyele story: for some reason I can't get ANY of his tracks cleared for the XXX Hip Hop series. What gives homie?

PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH - AKINYELE FEAT. KIA JEFFERIES


RATHER F--K YOU - AKINYELE

THE MR MOVE

I have no idea what this guy is on, but my head is still spinning from his music. His name is The Mr Move and I honestly have no way to describe his steeze. Maybe Kid Rock + Redman + Johnny Rotten + Fuzz Tha Boss? Check out his track Titty Full of Beer below!

SMOOTHE DA HUSTLER & TRIGGER THA GAMBLER

Who remembers these guys? Seeing as the internet is a world-wide medium, I'd guess maybe six people in total, and possibly two in Australia at best. If you've got The Nutty Professor soundtrack then you'd know Smoothe Da Hustler and Trigger Tha Gambler from My Crew Can't Go For That (feat. D.V. Alias Khrist). This was one of the hottest tracks in 1995, I remember hearing it on a bunch of mixtapes back when mixtapes actually came on TAPES. Yes, I'm old. Anyway, these guys never really caught on in the mainstream, and for whatever reason Trigger's Life's a 50/50 Gamble was never released by Def Jam. Below you can check out My Crew..., Trigger's street hit Broken Language and the 2008 remake by Method Man and Redman, creatively named Broken Language 2008.

MY CREW CAN'T GO FOR THAT - TRIGGER THA GAMBLER FEAT. SMOOTHE DA HUSTLER & D.V. ALIAS KHRIST


BROKEN LANGUAGE - TRIGGER THA GAMBLER, SMOOTHE DA HUSTLER


BROKEN LANGUAGE 2008 - METHOD MAN, REDMAN

YOUNG JEEZY SAVED GILBERT ARENAS

Most professional athletes are boring as hell. They do so much media training and are so concerned with not saying anything remotely controversial that they come across as braindead robots. One of the major exceptions to this rule, in the very, very, very boring world of NBA superstars, is Gilbert Arenas. He's had a knee injury for most of this season and was expecting to come back this week, but at the last minute was told to sit out some more. This apparently made him so depressed that he contemplated running his own damn car off the road, until Young Jeezy saved his life. From Gilbert's blog:

It was just me and my car... speeding - something that I shouldn’t be doing.

Then I got that thought that I know everybody gets once in a while, I was like, “You know, what if I just ran my car into this pole right here?”

I don’t know why I thought that, but I kept going with it.

“Then I can jump off the road into this lake and just swim... or drown. Whichever one comes first.”

It was really devastating. I was thinking, “Mannn, again?!”

But I listened to Young Jeezy’s verse in They Know to get me past those bad thoughts... plus, I’m sane. I’m a sane person, I wouldn’t do that to myself."

I don't know how lyrics like these - "I'm in my cool whip, inside's jello / Hop up out that pretty muthaf--ka like hello, hello, hello" - is saving anyone's life, but hey, that's what makes Gilbert Gilbert, a.k.a. Gilbertology. Here's some more examples of Gilbertology.

• Wears the jersey number "0" because he was told in high school that's how many minutes a game he'd get


• Once took a shower at half-time during a game, still wearing his game uniform


• Would lick or put baby powder on donuts that he'd bring to the locker room


• Allegedly plays online poker at halftime of games he's playing in (he disputes this, but if anyone would do it, it'd be Gilbert)


• Throws his jersey into the crowd at the end of every game


• He has several nicknames - Agent Zero, the Black President, the East Coast Assassin


• Tried to vote himself into the NBA All-Star Game in 2003-04 by trading a pair of his shoes and one of his jerseys for a box of ballots


• In the 2006 season he'd yell "HIBACHI!" after every shot, saying "You know, a hibachi grill gets real hot. That's what my shot's like, so I've been calling it that: 'Welcome to the hibachi'."


• At the 2007 NBA All-Star Game he joined a lineup of Elvis impersonators who were dunking off a trampoline and did a between the legs dunk


• Said this about Barack Obama's chances to be President: "As long as he has me, we’re winning. We’ll be co-presidents. He can handle all the big stuff like the war in Iraq and all that, and I’ll keep everybody distracted off what he’s doing. I’ll be the entertainer. I’ll do the press conferences. I’ll play the Bush part. I’ll be the golfer, I’ll go golf for 14 hours. I’ll party for half a week. I’ll do that, I’ll have fun with that. And then Barack can handle all that important stuff."


• When he was a free agent, he flipped a coin to decide whether he'd join the Washington Wizards or LA Clippers

Check out this Gilbert buzzer-beater from last season - look for the arms-in-the-air celebration before the shot even goes in.

XO PODCAST - 26-03-08

Last week of the GREENERY...
Technology sucks when it doesn't work for you. For whatever reason the usual podcast server we use doesn't want to work this week, but because I'm such a winner I've been able to find somewhere else to host it for the time being.

26-03-08 PODCAST TRACKLISTING

1. Drop and Gimme 50 - Mike Jones feat. Hurricane Chris
2. Superstar remix - Lupe Fiasco feat. Young Jeezy & T.I.
3. Party People - Nelly feat. Fergie
4. Kaveman - Jibbs feat. Soulja Boy
5. Do You Feel Me - Rosco feat. Akon & Jadakiss
6. Do That There - Yung Berg
7. Talkin' Ain't Walkin' - Lil Wyte
8. Juice Box - Gorilla Zoe feat. Yung Joc
9. Died in Your Arms remix - Smitty feat. Rick Ross, T-Pain, Junior Reid
10. Touch My Body remix - Mariah Carey feat. Rick Ross & The Dream

WHY I'M BEN AFFLECK

Ben Affleck keeps it gangsta son
Whenever the conversation turns to "famous people who you look like", I always bring up Ben Affleck and every single time I get the same reaction from people - they'll tilt their head, pause for a second then say, "yeahhh, I can kind of maybe see it now" (even though I know in their mind they're saying "NOPE" and are just humoring me).

The other day I checked out Affleck's IMDB page and was stunned at the similarities between us. Our lives are essentially interchangeable! Here's a breakdown...

Brother of actor Casey Affleck.
I also have a brother.

Friend of and frequent collaborator with actor Matt Damon.
I am a friend and frequent collaborator with Carl Alley, the South African Matt Damon.

Owns vintage Ms. Pac-Man and Millipede video-arcade games.
I owned a vintage NBA Jam Tournament Edition arcade game. I miss that thing.

Dropped out of Occidental College after 1 year, where he had studied Middle Eastern studies.
I dropped out of QUT after one year (this starts a bizarre parallel where I'm also Kanye West, as we're both college dropouts who were in near-fatal car accidents).

His mother is Irish and father is Scottish.
DITTO.

Voluntarily entered Promises Rehabilitation Center in Malibu, California for alcohol abuse.
I probably should do this actually.


Ben Affleck enjoys drankin', I enjoy drankin'!
Growing up, the Marvel Comic book character Daredevil was his hero. He got to play the character in the 2003 movie.
Growing up, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character Michelangelo was my hero.

Has a Boston Celtics logo painted on the basketball court at his house.
I have a four-leaf clover tattoo, which is similar to the Boston Celtics logo.

Is a devoted fan of the baseball team Boston Red Sox
I have a Boston Red Sox jersey.

Speaks Spanish and French.
I can speak bastard Tagalog, which has Spanish elements, and I can also sing a song in French.

Dated Jennifer Lopez
I enjoy looking at Jennifer Lopez’s ass and only date women with ass comparable to Jennifer Lopez.


Why did he get rid of this fine piece of ass?
With the exception of Clerks, he has appeared in all of Kevin Smith's View Askewniverse films.
I have seen all of Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse films except for Clerks.

He won $356,000 by winning the California State Poker Championships in June 2004 - defeating some of the best poker players in the world in the process.
I have won hundreds – literally hundreds – of dollars playing poker. Ballinnnnn’!

Is a first-time uncle to younger brother Casey's son, Indiana August, who was born on May 31st 2004 in Amsterdam to Casey and his fiancee, actress Summer Phoenix, who is the youngest sister and sibling to the late River Phoenix.
I’m a first-time uncle, co-incidentally enough to my brother’s child!

When he was dating Jennifer Lopez, hated the paparazzi referring to them as "Bennifer."
I hated that too.


Ben loves the kids!
Is a staunch Democrat and has supported Senator John Kerry's 2004 presidential campaign.
I’m a staunch Obama fan (bros before hoes), who is a Democrat.

He was inspired to contribute to the Neil Bogart Memorial Fund, which supports cancer research at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, after meeting Molly Hanna, who died of cancer in 2002. She was a student in his mother's fifth-grade class.
I sponsor a kid in some poor place.

Quit smoking in December 2005 for his daughter, Violet.
I also quit smoking (technically I never started...).

Is an avid fan of Robert Englund.
DITTO. Especially in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane with Andrew Dice Clay.

Has a fear of flying.
DITTO.

Turned down the part of Bobby Mercer in Four Brothers, as he found the script to be "ultra-violent". The part eventually went to Mark Wahlberg.
I also did not play Bobby Mercer in Four Brothers.

Voted Most Eligible Bachelor by People Magazine.
I am also an eligible bachelor!


THIS IS THE EXACT POSE I DO IN ALMOST EVERY CLUB PHOTO I'M IN

DIED IN YOUR ARMS REMIX

It's always interesting when two tracks use the same sample. Here's the remix to Died in Your Arms by Smitty (no relation - even though he did grow up listening to 2 Live Crew, just like me!) feat. Rick Ross, T-Pain and Junior Reid - most DJs have had this track for a while, but I only just heard this version with Ricky Raussss and T-Pain on it. After you've listened to it, check out Jay-Z's Died in Your Arms as well - it's basically a remix of Moment of Clarity, but the way they flipped Cutting Crew's (I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight is sick. What the hell, let's make this a triple play - listen to Smitty's Died in Your Arms remix, Jay-Z's Died in Your Arms and Smitty's Diamonds on My Neck (produced by Swizz Beatz) below!

DIED IN YOUR ARMS (REMIX) - SMITTY FEAT. RICK ROSS, T-PAIN, JUNIOR REID


DIED IN YOUR ARMS - JAY-Z


DIAMONDS ON MY NECK - SMITTY

NUTTIN' TO DO

To celebrate the ending of the beef between Eminem and Royce da 5'9", here's an old classic that's one of my all-time favourite tracks - Nuttin' To Do by Eminem and Royce da 5'9". I've got the 12" vinyl single of this track, and let me tell you, ex-porn star and current Game Girl Crystal Knight looks fine as hell on the cover! (She's the one on the left, I'd link to some of her videos, but I don't want to get flagged as being a porn blog - girl has done some freaky, freaky stuff though.)

DJ PERIL @ XO - THE AFTERMATH

Smith, Alley and Peril.
Freak me dead last night was huge at XO. It was bubbling early on, with DJ Carl Alley doing an extended early set instead of the late one he usually does, and by 11pm the dancefloor was getting bizzay. DJ Peril came on and did a cool as hell set, then I got on after that to mop up what was left. Was a massive, massive night, the line down the street was nuts - oh, and before I forget, once again if you don't know me then get the hell out of the DJ booth. Funniest moment of the night - some drunk guy talking semi-reckless to me, before his friend slapped the kufi off his head and told him to shut the f--k up. If you want guestlist for next week, hit up XO's myspace page or email XO here


Left: Peril enjoying some of XO's extra-curicular activities after his set. Right: Fuzz, Dot and Kaylani get to know each other better.

TOUCH MY BODY REMIX

Real talk - I'm only mildly fond of this track, Touch my Body remix by Mariah Carey feat. Rick Ross and The Dream, but I was looking for an excuse to run this Mariah pic.

JORDAN PHLY

In the DAVID STERN IS AN ASSHOLE (gotta keep the mentions of the words David Stern up) post, I mentioned that David Stern has a mancrush on Clay Bennett. Well, now it's time for me to come clean with my mancrush. I have a serious mancrush on Michael Jordan. When I was in Year 11 I had glandular fever and was forced to miss half of the school year, just sitting around at home trying to get better. One day my mum came home from the video store with Michael Jordan: Come Fly With Me - when I put it on and saw MJ say at the beginning of the tape "Hi, my name is Michael Jordan. I want you to take a trip with me..." the eyes got a bit watery (one of only two times a movie has made me get all emotional, the second time being when Ricky gets capped in Boyz in the Hood).

Jordan rocking the PHLYs in a practice session with the team he part-owns, the Charlotte Bobcats
Back on topic - these are the new Jordan PHLY kicks and they're hot like fire. They're that hot they totally destroyed my brain's capability to form a witty simile. They're named after Pop Herring, the coach who famously cut MJ from his high school team, but at the same time helped His Airness work on his game and helped install his ridiculous work ethic and drive. Kickz101 and dplayground, you better get these in a size 15!

AND NOW, A MEGA-JORDAN PHOTO GALLERY. SERIOUSLY, IT'S HUGE, BUT IF YOU'RE A HOOPS FAN SCROLLING THROUGH THEM ALL IS WORTH THE TIME. THE FIRST PICTURE IS JORDAN WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED POP HERRING, AND THE LAST PICTURE IS JORDAN TODAY, BLAZED OUT OF HIS MIND. OH, AND IF YOU'RE A KOBE BRYANT FAN - YOU'RE NOT WELCOME AROUND THESE PARTS. GIT OUT!




























































I've got five on it!

SAVE THE SONICS PART DEUX - DAVID STERN IS AN ASSHOLE

NBA Commisioner, David Stern (I'm going to try and use the words David Stern as much as possible in the next couple of hundred words to ensure this post comes up in the Google Alerts of David Stern), has once again come out to say that David Stern doesn't give a damn about the fans of the Sonics in Seattle. David Stern has said that Seattle's latest effort to save the team is a "PR stunt". However, once again David Stern is talking out of his pompous ass. It's more and more obvious that David Stern is helping Sonics owner Clay Bennett move the team to Oklahoma City purely because David Stern has a mancrush on Clay Bennett.

Everyone is against the Sonics moving - Sonics fans, NBA fans, NBA players, NBA coaches. Everyone except for David Stern and Clay Bennett it seems. Here's some quotes from Shaq and other members of the Phoenix Suns when they visited Seattle earlier in the week (to kick the Sonics' ass, as per usual this season).

"It's dumb, it's stupid. They should have to wait from the bottom like everyone else."
- Shaq on Oklahoma City getting the Sonics rather than waiting for an expansion team

"Seattle has tradition, the Space Needle, and there's water here. Oklahoma City's a college town. You're not going to have the TV market there."
- Shaq-Fu again

"When I think of Seattle, I think of G.P., the Reign Man, Sikma, Lenny Wilkens. The Oklahoma City Sonics? When my son asks me about that, I'll say there's no such thing."
- Shaq a.k.a. Mr Awesome

"That's a bad road trip. It's cold. This shouldn't happen. Seattle's a great market, a great city, and I would think there's a lot of money in this city. It's a shame."
- Grant Hill on having to go on an Oklahoma City road trip

"The people who get shortchanged here, of course, are the fans."
- Grant Hill again

"Hopefully it will all sort out. It's a great place to play, a great city, and traditionally, they've been great fans."
- Suns coach Mike D'Antoni

"I'm sorry for the fans. It's a great basketball city. They deserve a club here... Obviously, I'm not privy to all the reasons, but it doesn't make sense on the surface."
- Steve Nash

Check out these links for even more on the Sonics situation.
Stern derides KeyArena effort as 'a late PR stunt', Greg Johns, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
David Stern Has Given Up On Seattle, Tom Ziller, AOL Sports
NBA commissioner talks Sonics in Time magazine, Monica Guzman, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Shaq shares in fans' dismay, Jim Moore, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Stern is no help, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Silly Old Man, Supersonicsoul
Don't let the Sonics leave town, Mike Kahn, Fox Sports
David Stern Does Not Need You, Tom Ziller, AOL Sports
Stern presents himself as a Bennett accomplice, Jim Moore, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Worth fighting for, Dave Zirin, Sports Illustrated
Sonics Death Watch, Sherman Alexie, The Stranger

Because I'm in a bad mood, here's some random links hating on David Stern.
How David Stern is Killing the NBA, New York Is The Mecca
David Stern is making mistakes, YAY Sports NBA
A Whole New Ball Game? NBA Admits Its Mistake, New York Times
Did David Stern Just Ruin Basketball?, Motown Sports
David Stern is a Chump, Tufte's Economics Classes Blog
David Stern Owes a BIG Apology, Sabernomics
David Stern: King Hypocrite, Sports Frog
NBA Commish David Stern: Jackass du jour, Phoenix New Times
David Stern, Fashion Killer, Can’t Stop The Bleeding

Below, a photo gallery of David Stern's finest moments while he's been the boss of the NBA. Some of them are slightly abstract, but I'm sure you can work out what most of them are. (And yes, some were just horrible tragedies, but they happened on David Stern's watch so he can wear it, the same way he takes credit for the Bird/Magic/Jordan NBA boom.)

































IF I'VE FORGOTTEN ANYTHING, LET ME KNOW!