Thursday, March 27, 2008


Most professional athletes are boring as hell. They do so much media training and are so concerned with not saying anything remotely controversial that they come across as braindead robots. One of the major exceptions to this rule, in the very, very, very boring world of NBA superstars, is Gilbert Arenas. He's had a knee injury for most of this season and was expecting to come back this week, but at the last minute was told to sit out some more. This apparently made him so depressed that he contemplated running his own damn car off the road, until Young Jeezy saved his life. From Gilbert's blog:

It was just me and my car... speeding - something that I shouldn’t be doing.

Then I got that thought that I know everybody gets once in a while, I was like, “You know, what if I just ran my car into this pole right here?”

I don’t know why I thought that, but I kept going with it.

“Then I can jump off the road into this lake and just swim... or drown. Whichever one comes first.”

It was really devastating. I was thinking, “Mannn, again?!”

But I listened to Young Jeezy’s verse in
They Know to get me past those bad thoughts... plus, I’m sane. I’m a sane person, I wouldn’t do that to myself."

I don't know how lyrics like these - "I'm in my cool whip, inside's jello / Hop up out that pretty muthaf--ka like hello, hello, hello" - is saving anyone's life, but hey, that's what makes Gilbert Gilbert, a.k.a. Gilbertology. Here's some more examples of Gilbertology.
  • Wears the jersey number "0" because he was told in high school that's how many minutes a game he'd get

  • Once took a shower at half-time during a game, still wearing his game uniform

  • Would lick or put baby powder on donuts that he'd bring to the locker room

  • Allegedly plays online poker at halftime of games he's playing in (he disputes this, but if anyone would do it, it'd be Gilbert)

  • Throws his jersey into the crowd at the end of every game

  • He has several nicknames - Agent Zero, the Black President, the East Coast Assassin

  • Tried to vote himself into the NBA All-Star Game in 2003-04 by trading a pair of his shoes and one of his jerseys for a box of ballots

  • In the 2006 season he'd yell "HIBACHI!" after every shot, saying "You know, a hibachi grill gets real hot. That's what my shot's like, so I've been calling it that: 'Welcome to the hibachi'."

  • At the 2007 NBA All-Star Game he joined a lineup of Elvis impersonators who were dunking off a trampoline and did a between the legs dunk

  • Said this about Barack Obama's chances to be President: "As long as he has me, we’re winning. We’ll be co-presidents. He can handle all the big stuff like the war in Iraq and all that, and I’ll keep everybody distracted off what he’s doing. I’ll be the entertainer. I’ll do the press conferences. I’ll play the Bush part. I’ll be the golfer, I’ll go golf for 14 hours. I’ll party for half a week. I’ll do that, I’ll have fun with that. And then Barack can handle all that important stuff."

  • When he was a free agent, he flipped a coin to decide whether he'd join the Washington Wizards or LA Clippers
Check out this Gilbert buzzer-beater from last season - look for the arms-in-the-air celebration before the shot even goes in.

No comments: